So I've been thinking about this for a while. At this point its a bit belated but forget it, I got to put it out there. Do you remember when you were a kid - before the internet- cellphone updates- movie phone, fandango and all that stuff? Back in those days if you were into watching movies at all, on some sunday nights you'd watch Siskel and Ebert review movies. Of course Siskel passed on and Roeper took over. But it was still a nice little tag team of some open minded intellectuals who were talking about movies and letting you know if they sucked or not. Watching the program was like sharing a moment with your really cool really rich uncle, who had taken some time off between revolutionizing industry in china, going on Safari in Kenya and re- reading War and Peace for the twelth time to sit and talk to you, maybe recommend a way not to waste two hours of your life.
It was a clear thumbs up or thumbs down. Their positive reviews could be earned by any kind of film, they appreciated stupid comedies like Airplane or The Naked Gun, but at the same time would give honest reviews about hardcore Oscar winning dramas too. It was a vast span of reviews and they were always helpful.
Fast forward to today. Yes the times have changed, with the internet and all kinds of tech wizardry few are sitting down to watch these reviews. But if you went into a Blockbuster or onto your Netflix they still had your back. When your chick or your brother or sister or your Mom or your Dad suggested a movie that looked questionable all you had to do was turn it over and see if it was a thumbs up or down. This was the small boundary that divided a dumb- waste of time romantic comedy from one that everyone could enjoy. If those thumbs weren't mentioned on the box you knew it sucked.
Ebert and Roeper (and Siskel) held it down man!
So in our everybody-wins AYSO even playing field of bullshit I nearly spit up my breakfast when I saw that they were being replaced. Who were their successors you may ask? Well I have to report to you in vain that this day can go down in history as the day the movie died. They are being replaced by two "Bens" HOW CUTE!
Ben one is from TCM, and looks like a Shakespeare festival reject. Ben two looks like a dark haired Ryan Seacrest. Don't worry he is "edgy" since he wears Affliction tees covered by over designed "I wanted to be a rockstar" Kitson- ish sportscoats.
I mean really?! REALLY! I'm sure the show is going to be turned into an E entertainment- the Soup - TMZ style show, basically an US Weekly half hour of movie promoting power!!!!
Just look at this quote :
"With the addition of Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz as our talented, charismatic "meaning wax-statue esque, and opinionless,"new co-hosts, and exciting new segments planned, we're confident that audiences will be enjoying 'At the Movies' for many years to come," said Brian Frons, who oversees Buena Vista Productions...
I can see the flashy graphics, the kiss ass interviews, the fake laughs, The Tom Cruise ass kissing.
In the name of time everything is getting quicker, flashier, and more spontaneous, but I can't think of anything that has saved me as much time as turning over a movie box, seeing the two thumbs down and putting it back on the shelf.
Thank you to Ebert and Roeper and Siskel for all of the two hour blocks of life you have saved me!
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